I went swimming tonight with my friend, Nick. It was 
            indoors with dumb dance music and strobe lights. I could only think 
            about Kelli.
            
            
She said she can't trust me right now. I don't blame her and I 
            didn't expect her to. I'm no better than the made-up character who 
            turned out to be a girl. She has no more reason to trust me. She 
            said it was mean of her to not trust me, I don't see how. Trust 
            isn't something that is a given right. It's not my right to be 
            trusted, it's a privilege.
            
            
And if the made-up character sounded just as trustworthy as me, 
            or more, then how can she trust me when he turned out to be a lie? 
            I'm not sad that she doesn't trust me, not at all. I'm sad that she 
            can't trust anyone, it's not her fault like she thinks, just like 
            it's not my fault if I don't think someone is pretty.
            
            
If anyone has any suggestions of how I can help Kelli, whom I deeply care about, please feel free to tell me, even over AIM. It 
            would be greatly appreciated. I don't know what else to do. All I 
            can do is try to be happy and she will see that and be happy for 
            that moment. It would help if I could be there with her for real. I 
            want to say she just needs time, but I don't know if time will bring 
            good or bad her way. I will try my best to have all the good that 
            can happen come her way.
            
            
But it's late, I'm tired. *sleeps*.................in my bed of 
            course.