I talked to Kelli last night, you probably wonder why I talk about her so much if this is my diary that's supposed to be about me. Her diary is for her, mine if for me. Let me tell you this, the biggest things happening in my life right now are her troubles, her problems, and her feelings. That is taking over most everything else in my mind.

Now that I explained that, I know she is talking about it in her diary, but this is mine, and it's just as important to me. She is going out with someone and she loves him. She has other friends who she likes and they like her, including me. She has been giving them false hope that they might go out with her sometime, and now they are hurt because they know the truth. I have to admit I did that to some extent also, so I know what she is going through. I am on friendly terms with her boyfriend and the other friend who hates him. I have offered to be the middle man but she doesn't want to use me. She said I'm not a thing. She won't hurt me like that. Does that sound like a horrible person to you?

She is very upset about all this and blaming herself entirely, thinking she is scum. Let me tell you, she is a wonderful person who cares about all of her friends, and she is a great girlfriend to her boyfriend. She wonders why guys like her, I don't see any reason someone wouldn't like her. She is very nice and caring, and yes she has done some mean things in her life, but so have I.

Anyway, she doesn't want to use me to help with this, but what are friends for? She doesn't want to hurt me. That is sweet of her, but I am certain that I won't get hurt by this. I don't think anything she does could hurt my feelings right now, if she never went out with me I would still be very happy being able to talk to her often. The only pain I could feel from her would be if she was feeling pain. If she used me to help her, forgetting about my feelings, I can guarantee it would be the best thing, even for me. I would be happy knowing I could help. Kinda like if you make yourself hurt from pushing yourself hard, but you win the Olympics, you would feel better than if you lost from not pushing yourself as hard.

That is exactly how I feel right now, the pain in your body would be the least of your concerns, you might not even feel it if you knew you were going to win the gold. I just wish I could convince her of that, I really want to help her. I love her.

I'm listening to "Friends Will Be Friends" by Queen right now. It's an awesome song and you should listen to it when you are down.

Tonight I will go to bed and sleep, hopefully.