But now to more important issues. As you know, I like Kelli a lot, maybe even love. She currently has a boyfriend and another friend who likes her. She doesn't want to hurt any of us. If she went out with me, she would be hurting Scott and Josh (Scott is her boyfriend). If she went out with Josh, she would be hurting Scott and me. She is only going out with Scott because she already was in the first place, I think. That is very sweet of her, sweeter than me actually, since I am willing to go out with her regardless of other people who may like me. If she did date me, she would think of them. I need someone who would hold me above her other friends. I do want her to be happy, and she wouldn't be happy if she was worrying about other people.

I think my ex-girlfriend liked me above everyone else and still does, but I know it would not work out with her and me. I know Kelli will read this and I want her to, but I don't want her to be sad, or maybe I do. I can't even say I don't want her to feel bad about this; what kind of person am I? If she felt fine reading this, I guess it would mean she didn't care about me. I don't really want her sad, but I want her to know this even if it makes her sad. I need to get this out. I'm sorry, for her having to go through this, maybe I can start loving someone else and make it easier for her, but I don't see how I could without her always being on my mind. We have been through a lot together, and I don't want to spend my life with anyone else. People, even her, ask me why I like her, what I like about her. If I even tried to explain it, it wouldn't be convincing; its just a feeling; something inside that won't leave me.

Don't get me wrong, I don't want Josh or Scott hurt either, I just wish they would like someone else so they wouldn't be sad. But I guess that's like asking me to like someone else. All this entry will do is make her feel even more sorry for me, and hurt more because she will blame herself for going out with Scott. It is not her fault, it's no one's fault. Just like it's no one's fault when the power goes out from a fallen tree. I almost feel like just leaving after this and not going on AIM, and I could do that too, if it wasn't for her wanting to talk to me.

This needed to be told, I couldn't keep it inside, even if it causes more pain. I'm sorry though. I do feel better now that I got it out. At least I have Jimmy here and you can't be sad around him. It's impossible, hehe. Same with my dad.