I have an enemy, someone who hates me with a passion. He thinks I'm ugly, tells me so all the time. He thinks I'm worthless and lets me know about it constantly. He would beat me up every day if he found a reason to.

This person I speak of has been with me all my life and knows things about me that I wish he didn't. Things in my past, things done to me. And I wish he didn't know them. He always reminds me of them, always telling me about the terrible things in my past. The things that I try hardest to forget. He takes it out on me. He takes out everything on me. He's been stressed enough to hurt me. Cut me even! With a knife. Numerous times in the past. As if I hadn't had enough done to me in my life. For some reason he hates me for it, and blames me for everything. EVERYTHING! Even for the things that have been done to me, out of cruelty of others. I get blamed for it because I'm such an easy person to blame. I'm the scapegoat, and because of that I get punished. Maybe I do deserve it. Maybe I am to blame, for being such a loser. I'm certain the world would be a better place without me, and he has told me that many times over.

There is no escape from him, I am trapped. I really want out. I need out. The only escape from him is death. I have thought about it several times, killing myself. I just might do it someday, if he doesn't first, because he has also threatened to kill me and has even tried to before.

I'm scared.

I'm scared of him when he's mad. I'm scared of being alone with him. He knows that, and takes every chance to be alone with me. I'm scared to stop him. Maybe I deserve the punishments, the beating up. He says I'm a bad person, and I'm starting to believe him. Bad things happen to bad people, right?

This person I tell of, this person who rules my life, is none other than myself. ME! But this is not my story, for I have had the very fortunate luck of having a wonderful life by comparison. No, this is not my story, but I did write it. I thought it out and the only person I give some credit to is .false.illusions. for writing that beautiful entry about the boy who was bullied. He made me think of writing this. This is for the depressed. This is the cutters' story, the forgotten, the lonely, and the abused. The ones who hide this inside themselves. The very people I'm trying to reach and help. *many hugs* to y'all out there, you know who you are. If you know someone like this, make someone's day better and just go give them a hug, or some kind words. Words of encouragement, and go out of your way to do it. No one should suffer like this.