Her friends at school get her talking and she doesn't like it, and now they say that something is strange if she is quiet. Also, her 2 friends talk about things like how they enjoy kissing and other stuff, which Kelli doesn't find enjoyment in, and she can't really join in the conversation because of it.

She said she's like Becky, the person who pretended to be Zac. Becky lied about everything and made up things so people would like her. Kelli said she is like that, she makes up things to make people like her. I got to thinking maybe everything was a lie. What if she is totally different from the person I thought I knew and loved. I know she is a girl because I have talked to her on the phone. What if her name isn't really Kelli. I've talked to her boyfriend, but he could be fake, she could be pretending to be him. I've also talked to Meghan, and she has talked about Scott so that is evidence that he is real, but the Scott I talk to could really be Kelli, and so could Meghan.

Of course I want to believe that nothing is a lie, and I did believe that before, but since Kelli said she lies about things like that, and she won't tell me what she's lied about, I don't really have any proof of what to believe. I'm just going to assume that everything I know is the truth unless she tells me otherwise.

One of us had to go, and I asked her to email me before we parted ways, because I needed to talk to her, I needed to hear from her some more. I couldn't explain why, I just needed more of her words to be said to me. She said she's not into email recently or something like that. I told her I will try to make her feel better whenever I talk to her again. She said that she will make herself feel better later (I assumed she meant cutting) so I said for her to please not cut. I told her that I would blame myself if she did, so she said she wouldn't tell me if she did.

Later, I got an email that really made me feel good from her, so thank you, Kelli. It made my night better. I just hope it was all true and not made up to make me feel better. Anyway, this morning I started talking to my mom. I told her how all my life, I've been around just my family mostly, and the church. (people in our church are like family) I said that I haven't had any real friends like Angel has (this really great girl whom I met recently who has a really great best friend. I wish so much that I could have what they have.) I told my mom about this and she said that that's a rare thing. Many people go out to find something like that and never do. I said that I just need a break from family, a vacation from this life if you will. My best friends have either been family or church, people whom I'm around all the time. I want new friends. I want girl friends. I hardly have any besides online. One thing that kinda started this thinking, was when I went to go see Allison and her friends and was disappointed, I told my dad about it and he said "Well, things like that happen. That's why you need to just stick around the church." I thought in my head "how boring." I mean, when I help people and stuff and get involved in their problems, I feel I have friends and I feel really special. Then I come back to family and it's all the same old stuff. Still the problems with Ashley and her mom.

I told my mom that I want to be with Kelli, I want to visit her, I want us to be really close, like Angel and Brian. I want for us to go to each other's houses, spend the night. I want to take her to dinner and to the movies. I want to pick her up from school, and walk around the mall, and stay up late watching movies at each other's house. I want to call her every day and her wonder why I didn't call the days that I forget. My biggest hope right now is that we can be like that when I go visit her. I told my mom this, I just needed to. I had to let her know. I honestly almost cried twice during it. I stopped talking during those parts because I would sound funny. My mom later said she wondered if I was going to. She said she didn't want to say anything because I must have been really sad. I told her I wasn't sad, I just felt like crying I guess when I was talking about being with her. Then, when I wasn't even talking about her, I was talking about how I had talked about her, I almost cried. Even right now I just got a small feeling of that from thinking about it. My mom said she know's how I feel, that I feel lonely and she always wondered if this would happen since all my life I was fine just being at home. I was fine just playing video games and computer, and I never really cared about seeing friends that much outside of school. Now I wish I had so I would have a friend like that, a girl best friend like that, and I want so bad for one. Kelli is who I want as one, and I already have her but it's only online. I want to see her in real life.

Well, today I went to college and then I went to get a hair cut, a new type. I usually have them make it 1/2 an inch long on top, and shorter on the sides. Then I spike it. But one time I woke up and my hair had a part on each side from laying on it. I didn't have time to shower and get straight, so I just spiked it how it was (it had grown out) and it looked really cool. Amy said "Whoa, Jason! Your hair looks cool!" So today I had them leave the hair on top the same length as it is now, and just cut the sides to be like it was then. She used this stuff called "Spiker" which is better than my gel. My gel will make my hair fall over if it's too long, but she said this stuff will keep your hair the way you put it even if it's a foot long! I'm going to buy some soon, it's $12.