I hate this world, everything in it. Love, it's just a cruel trap devised by the people who hate me. It only ends in pain, loneliness, and sorrow.

Why do I exist? Am I just a target? A target for amusement? That is my only purpose in this horrible thing called life. I can't sleep at night, I can't stand the day. My mind hates me, it torments me with it's continual thoughts. I can't stand it! I need a moment's peace!

I have learned to ignore it, along with everything else. If I could only sleep, I wouldn't feel this pain. If I could only rest for eternity. I could do it, it would be the best thing for me, to put me out of my misery, but I choose to suffer, I'm too used to it.

Everyone is better than me, and they know it, they tell me all the time. With their words, their actions, their glares. My only friend, my only true friend is my knife. True friends know what's best for you, even if it hurts.

I cry every day. If not on the outside, then within. No one cares about me, they once did. No, they pretended. They planned it to cause me more pain. Just to have my trust and then lose it just the same. What is trust? Is it false like love? Just happiness on the outer shell, but rotten to the core, like me?

It's ironic really, how I'm just like the things I hate most. Love and trust, illusions of happiness, just like me. I want to sleep, all alone, in the dark, in the corner. I need to sleep, forever. My friend could do it for me, but I won't let him. I'm too scared. I'm scared all the time. So I will just let the blood run from my arm. My friend really helps me, my friend the knife.

I was nice, I really was. I never did anything mean to anyone, they just hate me. Hate my looks, my problems. The problems they gave to me. Everyone can't be wrong but me, right? I am the loser. I am stupid. I don't deserve to live, yet I am too greedy to give my life up. I am too selfish to let go what's not mine. What I don't deserve to have, my life.

I can actually help someone. I'm good for something, other than to be used. Why did I ever want to die? I deserve to, but I won't. That would hurt her. But why? Why would a loser dying hurt someone? She is better off without me.

I feel good right now. It's a new feeling. I'm not sure if I want it, but I like it. This will never last. It will just end in more pain like always. Why am I falling into another cruel trap?

Life is wonderful. I'm so happy. Could this be real? Is it another illusion? But it feels so real. Not like the illusions before. She cares about me. I care about her. I would do anything for her. But she deserves better. She will just end up hurt. She obviously doesn't see the real me, or she would hate me as well. Why am I happy then? I shouldn't be.

I lost my best friend. He has always been there for me, but now I don't need him. I don't need my blade anymore, I have a new best friend. I can sleep now, but I don't want to for very long. I like being happy. I feel comfortable. I have found a real friend, and real love.