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| Problemless with problems by Rebel Leader |
Location: Where angels lose their way... Age: 22 Sex : M |
| previous entry : I want his job! | next entry: 2 more songs |
| What am I going to do now? | 5/18/2002 |
| Last night I was tired, and a little depressed, and I
said some things I shouldn't have. I know it's too soon to think
about marrying anyone, but I was talking like I knew for sure. The
end result: Kelli told me she will never go out with me. NEVER! Not
today, not in a few years, not when I go to stay with her during
college. Never! Which means never marry her either. At times I
thought I was this close to her going out with me, the only
obstacles being our distance and college, which I would soon get
around. But it's not about that. She doesn't think I could be happy
with her. Well, if I can't, then no one can. She said it's the best
for me. She wants me to go have fun, forget about her, and now I can
do that easier since I know there will never be a chance with her
and I. She said she doesn't break promises to friends, and I'm her
friend.
Great, this is all I need. My main source of happiness torn away. Sure I can play video games, go do fun things, but one needs romance. I could go out with someone for fun, but how is that different from being just friends? The committment is I guess, but why be committed to someone whom I don't like more than someone else? How could I choose? I don't like anyone "that way" except for Kelli. I do go do fun things with girls though. This cute girl I met at Putters would love to go to a movie or something with me, though she has a boyfriend. I went to a movie with Allison, with Marianna, with Maria. I went to prom with Estella. I went to Maria's house and ate dinner there. I have fun with people a lot already. But you can only have one boyfriend or girlfriend at a time. Going out with Kelli wouldn't take away my friendship with the girls mentioned. And remember, it's not just distance. Kelli said I don't know her enough. Well, I don't know anyone else any better! Why should I go out with them then? They could have things bad about them just as much as Kelli could. And also, why is it okay for David to go out with Kelli? How is he different? How is Scott different? Or actually, how am I different? Why can't I go out with Kelli for fun, like she did with Chris? I will like Kelli forever, and miss her always. This is harder for me than leaving her in Texas. Harder than when Kelly broke up with me out of the blue, and I wasn't even going out with Kelli! Last night when I went to bed, I was shivering when I was getting into bed. So I wrapped myself up in the blankets, and put them over my head, and I got pretty warm, but I was shivering the whole night. I couldn't sleep any either. I really tried to not think about her, and to try to sleep, but it didn't work. Every time I looked at the clock it was like an hour later, and I finally slept for a half an hour around 7am. I still like her just as much as I always did, and I will honestly try not to disappoint her. I will look for girls as potential girlfriends. This is killing me... P.S. Stickdeath.com if very funny. | |
| previous entry : I want his job! | next entry: 2 more songs |
