I've been a little downcast lately. You couldn't tell
by seeing me or talking to me since I was happy to anyone who did,
but things just aren't going well. I feel like I need someone to
talk to; someone I can talk about anything with. I've tried to push
that on others and use them for that but it doesn't work. They just
don't understand. How could they? How could anyone? Most people are
so concerned about their own problems that if they ever lend an ear,
they forget about it soon after and it means nothing to them. This
diary is the best thing, but it'sn't the same as telling a person.
Maybe some people can be fine with just telling their diary, but not
me. I need someone who understands me, and knows what I'm talking
about.
Anyway, that has nothing to do with going back to work after my
usual Tue-Thu off. At work there was the remains of a party in the
break room. Some prying revealed that it was Alisha's
going-away party since she is leaving the store and moving to a
higher position at another store. Most, if not all, of the associates
at our store liked her the best out of the assistant managers. A lot
of people say they will miss her. She's always happy, always
positive, always supportive. If she gives you a task, no matter what
it is, it's practically impossible to feel unwilling to do it.
Josh was leaving, and Nolan was there, but starting his lunch. I
saw Melissa, who is the person I'm "trying out" as a person to tell
things to, and even though she's only driven me home thrice and we
haven't been friends for very long, when I found out she was going
home at 6, I told her I would take my lunch at 6 instead of 7 and we
could go eat somewhere and talk. She hesitated, then told me that
she'll have to see how she feels then, because she didn't feel the
greatest at the time and didn't know if it would go away later.
It was pretty slow, and I wouldn't've had too much to do if it
weren't for Josh. Apparently, he had taken the cart pusher and
rounded up the carts starting with the garden side, and brought
them in the main entrance. The result: barely any carts in the
garden cart thing, and barely any carts in the garden parking lot,
but lots of carts in the main cart thing, and lots of carts in the
part of the parking lot by it. So there wasn't any room for any of
those carts except in the garden cart thing, which was on the other
side of the store. That kept me busy enough. Then Nolan came back
from lunch and helped. I basically had nothing to do after that.
I saw Christina straightening up some shelves of food, and I
noticed that she wasn't wearing her glasses. The way I brought up
the subject was: "You know, it would be pretty sad if I said,
'There's something different about you, but I can't put my finger on
it'." She didn't say anything. I finally said, "So you're not
wearing glasses I see," waiting for her to respond. No response
came. I walked away and then came back and asked if she was alright.
She said she was. I told her that it didn't seem like she was. She
told me she was just trying to focus on work. I got the feeling it
wasn't just that, since she wouldn't act like that if that's all it
was, but I also sensed it wasn't a good time to say more, so I let
her be. I found out later from the greeter that she's wearing
contacts. When 6 o'clock came around, I took my lunch and found
Melissa who had just clocked out. She told me that she's really
tired and the only way I could go with her anywhere would be
straight to her apartment and stay there, since she's not going
anywhere after that (she just moved from Junction City to a
location closer to Wal-Mart, meaning I won't be able to hitch a ride
from her anymore). Needless to say, the fact that I need to come back
to work already answered that question. So while I walked her to her
car, I brought up her boyfriend. I told her that she obviously loves
him since she's engaged to him and she agreed with a tone that she
didn't know what I was getting at. I said that all I've heard about
him from her was things she doesn't like about him, but since she
obviously likes things about him, I wanted her to tell me about
those.
I saw Carly several times, and a few of those I wondered if she
saw me see her, but I wasn't sure. I wonder if she thinks I'm mad at
her. I hope not. I just want to give her some space and not go bug
her every time I'm around the toy department, or do something silly
like bump into her when I pass her.
At home, my parents and Andrea started to watch "You've Got
Mail". I missed the first half from being on the computer, but I saw
the last half. I've seen it before and I want to see the whole thing
again. That's a great movie. It's really nice to see 2 people, even
though it's fiction, having such a bond. When the movie ended I got
up and said aloud, "Too bad things like that don't happen in real
life." We are also borrowing "Kate & Leopold" from Ashley. I've
seen that, too, and it's also a great movie, but these romance movies
also remind me of my empty spot in my heart.