But speaking of my lunch yesterday, I have an interesting tale. First of all, Carly likes "Spirited Away" a lot, and "Princess Mononoke". She likes the animals and cute parts, and "My Neighbor Totoro" is by the same animator, and is all cute and animal parts, so I know she'd like it a lot. I wanted to rent it and see it with her before I go over on Wednesday or Thursday for her to see "Treasure Planet" with me, since I hadn't seen it and she said she'd show it to me. I thought that if I went over there and showed her "My Neighbor Totoro" before then, we'd still have plans to see "Treasure Planet", but if I planned it on the same day, it would only be one visit to her house. So one night I asked her if she wanted to hang out at her place after work, and she said, "Not really. I'm going to be downloading songs and stuff." Well, even though it's her choice to refuse to have me over, things like that sort of ruin the rest of the night, and I catch myself thinking about it over and over again. Then I make no effort to cheer up, so that maybe she'll see me and I'll seem down, and maybe she will want to cheer me up. It never works, though. When I came home, I talked to Jamie but I was still down and didn't feel like talking much, and made her think I was sick or something, or sad that she couldn't cheer me up. I hate when that happens because then the person who feels bad, feels like a failure when they're not the one I'm down about. I know because I always felt like a failure when Kelli was down about something and I couldn't cheer her up, and then would always feel worthless when someone else did, and easily, and then she'd get annoyed that I felt bad because someone else made her happy and thought that I only did things to make myself look good, otherwise I wouldn't care who cheered her up. But then Jamie was really depressed about something and told me flat out that I wouldn't be able to make her laugh that night, but unlike Kelli and others in the past, I did get her to cheer up, and she was her happy self again like she always is around me. That's what I like about her. I can always make her happy when I try to.

But anyway, back to Carly. Yesterday, which was the day after I asked if she wanted to hang out, she came into work and I waved to her and she waved back with a wry smile. I had just found someone's purse in a cart and was bringing it to the lost-and-found and Carly happened to be walking beside me, and I held it up and asked if she wanted a purse. She said "no" like she knew I was being silly but she was going to give me a serious answer anyway because she didn't want to be silly. I made up my mind that today wouldn't be a good day to ask her again. I might as well just not ask her and then time will go by and the more we don't do anything, the more she'll want to probably. I'll tell you what happened afterward in the next entry. I ran out of space in this one.