Blah, that's getting annoying. What I've been thinking of is how ridiculous I've been. When I really see it for what it is, I see that it's selfishness. It really has many disguises. I've been fooled by it countless times. It may very well have been a form of selfishness that made me do what I did to my ex-girlfriend, which caused her pain in the end. Hey, it could happen. When selfishness arises, the natural reaction is to give it another label to justify it. I do it without even knowing it. All this worrying about why Kelli was gone for days and why she doesn't want me to call and why she doesn't have feelings for me. That's all selfishness. I didn't want to be alone so I worried about why she wasn't talking to me. I didn't care what else might have been the problem, did I? No, siree. I just knew I missed her and that she wasn't around when I wanted her, so I thought of how lonely that made me feel and thought of how I could stop myself from feeling that way. I assumed that it had some connection with me. She didn't want to talk to anyone, but the only thing I could think of was that I am part of that everyone and so that indirectly meant she didn't want to talk to me. She could have, and probably did have, a good reason for wanting to be away, whether it was about me or not at all. She even told me that it wasn't about me just because I happen to be one of the people who didn't get to talk to her whenever I wanted. But I just kept trying to butt in, and then when I'd get my nose hit from sticking it where it wasn't welcome, I'd raise a fuss, saying she was treating me poorly. Then she deletes her diary for her own reasons and here I am complaining that I wish she didn't. Jeez, isn't anything she does okay with me? Does everything she does have to be under my guidelines for me to feel like she's being decent? I seriously need to lay off. She's got her own life and her own things she finds enjoyment in. She's already got parents. She doesn't need more. I think I'll do better from now on. At any rate, I wouldn't feel right leaving without giving Kelli some credit. I truly believe that she has taught me a lot of things, unfortunately at her expense. That's something that will benefit me for the rest of my life.