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Problemless with problems
by Idec Sdawkminn
Location: Where angels lose their way...
Age: 22    Sex : M

My day + ramblings 6/18/2004
As I sit here trying to figure out what I want my new version of Hyper Man to look like, I suppose I'll write about my day. I had to get the stuff for my car done today since tomorrow we are going to be doing what needs to be done to it next. My mom, dad, Andrea, Matt, Catie, and Ben went to a home-school field trip to Thrillville. I didn't want to go. I'm not into rides and such. So while they were gone, I finished up that guy I was working on before and then Kelli got online. That was a nice surprise. And guess what? We had a nice chat. There wasn't any subtle guilt trips on my part and no being depressed about anything. It was short and wasn't bad. When talks were bad until now, I can see that it was my doing that made them that way. So now that I didn't make it bad this time, it was alright. It wasn't good, because just how I would make them bad, she limits them from being good. Ah well. Not bad is better than bad, and it was a nice change.

When I said something about her maybe finding a guy sometime because people usually find someone to be with when they aren't looking, and she doesn't seem to be looking, she said she doesn't want to find anyone. She's content being single and prefers it that way. I suppose that's a good way to be. It would certainly help if I could be that way, because if you can't be content with being single and you have my life, then you're bound to be miserable quite often. But I'm trying to be the good friend that I have been all this time and support her in whatever she chooses to do. When she'd get a boyfriend, even though it would hurt inside because I have such deep feelings for her, I wouldn't show any signs of resentment toward them and would even give helpful advice if they had an argument or something. She knows how I feel about her, so in my mind, if she dates someone when she wouldn't date me, even if there wasn't someone else, then she's obviously happier with that person and, as much as I would hate it for me, I'd rather her be happy. I just want to be the one to give her that happiness. Oh well. That's enough of that. We are online anyway, so we wouldn't date even if she did have feelings for me.

Well, she suddenly stopped talking and after a few prompts to say something, I looked at the time and saw that it was going to be too late to do the stuff for my car, so I told her I had to go. At the Junction City Mufflers, I asked for the short guy like Bro. Jim said to do. He said to mention that I was sent by someone who knew he raced at the Cottage Grove Speedway and that it would break the ice a lot. I did that and he looked at my car. A few attempts and he said it was just impossible to bend the inner bumper back enough so that he could weld it back to the frame. He said I'd probably have to get a replacement one at the junk yard. Wonderful. That thing's so freakin' hard to get off.

I left and went to Napa Auto Parts and got he Bondo/hardener. I came home and left a message on Bro. Jim's answering machine about it, but he hasn't called me back yet. I spent the rest of the day working on the guys for the game. I've had several in the past, but I didn't know as much about making them and they were kinda slapped together. I removed them from the game and am in the process of redoing each one and putting them back in the game when I finish one. The first 2 I redid were the Disabler and the Disabler 2. One for one team and the other for the other. The one I was working on yesterday and the day before was the Super Metal Maker. I got that done and started on the Super Geo-Thermal Metal Maker for the opposite team. I finished that today and have just started working on the Hyper Man and I have no idea how I want him to look, lol.

We rented "The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King" tonight. I watched half of it while eating pizza, then came in here to work on my game. I'm really motivated to do that right now. The last thing I did was read some random diaries. I read 3 of PuckerdUp's entries, including the playing with boys one, and that one made me curious about if there were other people who wrote as descriptively as that. It turned out there are quite a few who do. I read a few entries that were nothing but sex stories and read all the notes complimenting the author on how good they were. I've had better ones when cybering with Jamie. I wonder how she's doing. My best guess is that she's either having trouble with the boyfriend she got after I broke up with her, or he's broken up with her and she gets another name on her hate list while she finds the next guy to be the next "only guy I've ever truly loved while all the ones before, regardless of them having that title at some point, are all worthless scum". No, I'm not sore, and I'm not being sarcastic there, either. That's just the most likely thing to happen, in my mind. Anyway, I'm still a virgin, just so you know. I mean, the only girlfriends I've had were 2 online. That's it. In real life, aside from the brief feelings Kelli may have felt for me when I visited her, I've had absolutely no luck with girls whatsoever. I'm always the person that they "can't understand why a girl wouldn't like me" when they are a girl themselves and they don't like me. All the girls say that. They say I'm sweet and can't understand how someone couldn't appreciate my sincerity and sensitivity, yet the girls they are talking about are the same as the ones who say that about the other girls. Well, enough feeling sorry for myself. No one's on AIM (isn't that a surprise?) so I'm just going to work on the Hyper Man.

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lol noo there are no rules against describing an experience that i went through lol [PuckerdUp]

ryn: you didn't like led zeppelin? wow, that's strange. and you don't like jimi hendrix? jeeze, lol. muse sounds like radiohead? their old (better) stuff, or their newest stuff? i don't really like the few songs i heard off their new album. i'll note your entry later, i don't have time to read it now, cuz i've got to get going. see ya. -jillian [(musicbox)]

well i talk the franky thing over with my girl buds that know him really well...read my diary for that update...so did/do your parents homeschool everyone? i did the home school think for the last quarter when i was a junior in hs...it sucked, i hated it. but im also a pretty social person and i hate being at home, and i hate not being busy lol so ya... [PuckerdUp]

hi there. i kind of know what you're going through. this person i used to date, i still love that kid. no one compares to him, no matter how many people i meet or date. and i wish i could be the person that would make him happy, but it's not me. it hurts to know that, but i want him to be happy. he hasn't dated anyone since we broke up (around christmas). but i never see him anymore... [(musicbox)]

and i just wish that i did. i'm not even going to see him next year, because he graduated this year. enough of that, good luck to you though. isn't return of the king the greatest movie? i think so, haha. i'm going to start that damn book one of these days...just now sure when. well take care, good luck with your car. -jillian [(musicbox)]

you commented in jillian's diary about radiohead. you said "something about computer." it is okcomputer. one of their albulms. just thought I'd clear that up for you. yeah. [null]

I've only heard one song by muse. I like it a lot, but I don't think they're anything like radiohead. I can understand, though, if you think the man's voice sounds similar to thom yorke. [null]

u think that shows he cares? i think it shows he still wants to screw around...im pretty bummed out by it. i added u to my aim bl but yur never on, im crisiam by the way on aim.... toodles [PuckerdUp]

hey its been awhile..well i do have aim but i am the type that dont much about computers and how these messangers work so i am trying.. i am not by a computer everyday....but i am tryin. later alicia [rock&rollchick]

I hate you and I never want to talk to you again. I should never have been friends with you. You are a worthless piece of trash. You betrayed me for the last time. Goodbye forever.
~Kelli

Ugh, fine. I'll leave you alone. I just wanted to know what the heck was going on. You seemed to be acting so strangely and nothing bad that I know of has happened between us between now and when we were happily being friends. It was so sudden and confusing. If I somehow betrayed you, well, I guess I can't tell you to forget about something like that. I'm sorry this happened, though.
[Idec Sdawkminn]

You probably won't read this and you're not online, so I'm gonna tell Travis to relay this message to you for me next time you're on. At least you can have some peace of mind not having to worry about me trying to talk to you.
[Idec Sdawkminn]

 

   


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