Max came up to me and gave me the $20 he owed me. Jason Winsbury finally gave me the $50 he owed me, as well. It was nice. I talked to Jeff and Marty. I told Jeff about what happened to my car when I was going to visit Ashlea and also how I need a transmission rebuild on it and it will cost $1,300. He laughed and said that was more than my car was worth and I could get a car that would run better than mine for that much. I said I wanted a different car and he said he'd look for one for me. He's really good with stuff like that. He's good with cars and good at body-work and painting them. He's my sister, Andrea's, fiance. He said a 4-cylinder would get me around 25 miles to the gallon and would have better pickup than what I have now. Hopefully he can find one.

I talked to him about working out because he's really into that and I've been thinking about that for quite a while now, ever since Marty and I talked about it. I'm just tired of being unmotivated, so I decided I'd just do it and no complaining. That's been my trouble for a long time. I don't have self-motivation. I've always been of the mind that I'll be happy as long as I'm doing whatever sounds the most enjoyable at the time. But there are a lot of things I wish I had or I wish were different in my life, and just doing what is enjoyable isn't going to make them happen. I'm tired of being the person I am. I've been getting tired of it for a while now. I just need a change. A big change. And I keep telling myself I'm going to do it. I'm not going to lose motivation. If I feel like I am, I'm going to say "just do it" (...um, I really didn't intend to quote Nike). I'm tired of being this way.

So, I made up my mind. I'm going to work out regularly. I'm not going to make excuses like "I just don't have the motivation" anymore. I don't care, I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it whether I feel like doing it at the time or not. I'm not going to let anything get in the way. I need to get in shape and feel good. I need to get some testosterone going. I was planning on stopping by the gym here in town on the way home to see how much they charged. That's where talking to Marty came in.

See, I was talking to him about affording college. My dad's always been telling me I need to go to college. Laura's been telling me that for a while. While I'm being motivated, I might as well do all the things I know I should do. Besides, Country Coach doesn't seem to be in too good of shape, and even if they were, it's definitely not where I want to work the rest of my life. They aren't my type of people, even though being around them has seemed to influence me. I don't want that anymore. I don't want to feel like one of them anymore. I'm tired of being a common worker. Laura always tells me she wishes I had more ambition. I've been told by several people that I probably have the least ambition out of anyone they know. I was fine with that before. I'm not now. I'm going to make something of myself.

Anyway, Marty was telling me that at Lane Community College they have a great gym and it's free, so if I'm going to go there, I shouldn't join a gym. Marty also used to own gyms in the past and is a great work-out instructor. Plus he has the same metabolism and body type as I do and he knows how hard it is to gain weight (he's really tired of being skinny and is trying everything he can to gain weight) and strength. So he would be really good at making regimes for me. With that in mind, I've decided to jog/walk to and from work from now on. It's about a mile.

I timed myself tonight to see how long it would take so I would know the latest I could leave the house by. Luckily, when I got to the traffic light, I pressed the walk signal right as my light was turning yellow, so I had to wait for the entire green light of the opposite direction before going again, so my time included any delays in traffic lights I might have to wait for. It took me 8 minutes total. I wasn't trying to go for a good time and it was really cold and foggy. Plus I included the time it took to run from the street to the building I work in. I then timed how long it took to walk back so I would know the latest I could leave and still walk. I had to wait for a full green light again, so that was good. It took me 21 minutes to walk from the building I work in to the front door of my apartment. So, as long as I leave the house before 6:39, I should be able to walk and be fine. I'll have my iPod with me so it will be all good.

While I'm going to be working out, I might as well eat healthy. So, I'll be trying to do that as well. That should help with my teeth since I'm trying to really take care of them and get everything fixed as well. I thought I had dental insurance, but I don't. I'd have to wait until July to get it, but Jeff said I could probably get it independent of Country Coach and get my teeth worked on now. I hope so. I don't want to wait until the Summer. I want to do things now.

Back to college, Marty said I could probably get grants since my parents don't have a lot of money. I'll have to look into that as well. I'd want to go full-time. Marty said the grant might be enough to cover living expenses, so I'd be able to survive on just a part-time job. That would be cool. Man, is there anything else? I'm excited about all this, but also anxious I guess. Anxious is the closest I can think of. I'm excited but it's kind of scary to think about. I worry that I'm trying to change too much at once and I'll lose motivation. But I really feel I want to.

Oh yeah, so I had a lot to look up when I got home. But what first? What's most important? Marty said the education is more important than anything else in life. What about health? He said I could eat healthy while I'm in school. Okay. But first, I'm tired of living in a messy, dirty apartment. That's first, I decided. I didn't get to nearly as much of it as I wanted to because I got caught up in checking my email and Myspace messages and other stuff like this diary. I then remembered my unemployment for last week and how I needed to file that since I got the information from the office. I entered it and tried to claim last week but the site said I had to call this number and it was after hours, so I'll have to call tomorrow at lunch. I also tried to file my state tax returns since they couldn't be filed as early as I could do my federal ones. However, since I already filed my returns online, it said I had to mail my state one. Nick's mom is going to help me do that since I've never done it anywhere but online and she works at H&R Block. But I'm really going to clean up tomorrow. I am. I can't wait to get home tomorrow. I'm going to make myself. I'm tired of my life being this way.