Jason Reed
More reasons to be depressed	6/18/2007

I've been a little depressed, but started feeling better. It had a lot to do with Ray at work. Some old man who is really rude and belittling to me. Even when I'm only talking about work-related things and trying to be helpful, he'll retort with something like, "I don't care how it's supposed to be. If they don't like it, they can fix it," or "I didn't ask you." Oh, but if I do anything different from how he does it, it's "This is how it's supposed to be," even if it's something I've done many times before and it's his first time seeing it. Any miniscule argument on my side, such as, "I agree that it should look that way, but this is the way the boss told me he wants it--" and he'll interrupt with, "Fine. Whatever. You did it so it must be perfect," and he won't hear anything else about it.

I've decided to stop working around him and I've been feeling back to my normal self. Plus, Kelli was making definite plans to finally visit me. I visited her once in 2002, then again in 2004. We had talked about it being her turn for quite a while, but she never had the money. Finally, she had enough money and my work schedule and her family schedule gave the perfect opportunity. Good times ahead.

Laura was gone for the whole weekend because she started dating some guy. I didn't think much about it. She's single. Guys like her. It was only a matter of time before she found someone. I would have felt worse if I had let myself really think about it and if it wasn't for Kelli finally visiting me.

Well, Kelli and I talked for several hours, figuring out the best dates for her to visit and what plane or bus tickets had the best hours and whatnot. We got that figured out and all that was left was for her dad to permit her to take the bus. She later told me she couldn't come, but it wasn't because her dad said she couldn't. She just decided not to. She still feels awkward around me. I mean, WTF. Then don't get my freakin' hopes up, jeez.

Right that same day, Laura came back home. Suddenly, I started realizing things. No more sleeping in her bed with her. It's not like we did stuff very much. That's not what I'd miss. I had grown to really like sleeping next to her. Now I'm back by myself. Also, I'm no longer the target of her affection. I had really taken a liking to that. The one person (well, besides people who live far away) who was attracted to me in looks and personality, and saw in me what I wish everyone could see in me, and now someone else has taken that spot.

I honestly don't feel close to anyone right now. Not one single person. I feel like I have several acquaintances and a few friends, but none of them very close. And people wonder why I spend so much time on the computer. The computer's always the same to me. To quote from an INTP (my personality type) description:

"The only area in which an INTP will carry out his own ideas to completion is in his personal interest world, where other people are not involved. For this reason, INTPs are fascinated by computer technology as well as the Internet which gives him a voice that he would not otherwise have. Many of the most dedicated Computer Freaks are INTPs. Ultimately, INTPs tend to trust machines more than they trust people and may feel particularly at home in the realm of cybernetics."